As hair and make-up artists we see and hear A LOT. We can be treated like staff and spoken to in terrible way, but we can also be made to feel part of the family and get involved in the morning fun just like another bridesmaid. But wedding mornings can be stressful places, family feuds, bridesmaidszillas, stroppy mothers of the bride / groom and often too much alcohol lead to some really funny stories. All of the below are completely anonymous, I've not mentioned names, places or dates to protect the people behind the stories. I hope you enjoy this slightly outrageous read... (needless to say, the pictures used in this blog, bare no connection to the events mentioned!!)
"Don't feed mother of the groom tequila rose before 9am, especially when she has no idea how strong it is and knocks them back like free McFlurrys... Let's just say the words 'I've lost my legs' and 'my son's going to kill me' were shared whilst zig zagging to the car. Too funny and highly adorable"
Oops wrong veil!!
"At this particular wedding, the bridal party had travelled about 2-3 hours to the venue. They realised the seamstress had given the bride someone else's veil. They rang around to see if anyone could pick it up, but everyone had left for the wedding, so the seamstress had to pay for a taxi to send the correct one over and bring back the wrong one. Expensive mistake though"
Don't let the weather dampen your day
"This bride had travelled a really long way for her dream wedding venue. She wanted the picture perfect outdoor wedding. She had paid for the venue for three days for all of her family and friends, including all food and drinks. She'd really gone all out.
On the day it was absolutely chucking it down. The photographer and venue coordinator were really putting the pressure on her to change her outdoor wedding dream, and have the wedding indoors. The bride was in tears the whole time she was having her make-up done, she kept having to stop to go off and gather herself. In the end the make-up artist had to ask the photographer and venue coordinator to back off as they were being quite pushy, even a little rude. The bridesmaids were useless and the mother of the bride was really late and she was supposed to be looking after the toddler. This meant I (the hair stylist) ended up being the resident babysitter. Then, as if the morning wasn't going badly enough, the fire alarm went off. I actually blurted out 'are you having a laugh?!?' Luckily we weren't all escorted out of the venue, as the alarm stopped. I think that would have finished the bride off. The hair stylist ended up entertaining the toddler with 'wheels on the bus' while the bride had her make-up finished."
Blind humping dog
"There was one particular wedding where the make-up artist was shoved into a bathroom because the owner of the guest house was so paranoid about make-up getting on her carpet. I think the whole experience of having a bridal party in her property was more than she could cope with, as she was frantic and creating chaos!! There was a blind dog that kept humping the hair stylist while she did the hair of a bridesmaid who was troughing a full English breakfast at the same time. Egg yolk and bridesmaid hair are not exactly perfect combination. One of the other make-up artists arrived, stating you could cut the atmosphere with a knife, it felt like a morgue it was so tense in there!! We didn't know whether to laugh or cry"
Get me out!!
"I got locked in the bathroom at someone's house halfway through the wedding morning"
Zippedy doo dah!
"My zip on my jumpsuit broke while at a wedding. I had to put my denim jacket around my waist to cover my bum"
"The bride and bridal party were drunk from the night before and weren't answering the door. We eventually got in and it was like a bomb had gone off. We worked around people who were still asleep!! Mid morning there was a venue change where we waited another 25 minutes for them to arrive as they couldn't find anything. They had glitter stuck in their hair as they had set off glitter bombs when drunk!!! We worked through very loud rave music and they were approximately 45 mins late!!"
Oooop's I've blocked the loo
"Thankfully it wasn't me that blocked the loo, but the photographer. He'd only been in the house a few minutes and then stunk the place out and had to request a plunger to sort out his mess!! The same photographer proceeded to tell us all about his divorce. Read the room mate!!!"
"Now we are only human, but this was pretty bad. I was told a story about a photographer who read his contract wrong and drove to the brides home on the wedding day instead of the venue. Now that would have been OK, except the bride lived 3 hours from the venue. The venue was actually only 20 mins from where the photographer lived. The bride was livid, especially given the photographer proceeded to ask her to hold the wedding until he got there. Between the coordinator and stylists they managed to source another local photographer who photographed the day instead."
I hope these posts helped you work out what not to do, but to also give you a giggle. It takes a lot to shock us nowadays, and people often confide in us. We love feeling part of the family, but very occasionally we need a huge gin to get over the experience!!
Thanks for reading
Emily and Team xxx